You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
