I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
