Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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