There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My first STD was from a foam party
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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