I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
