were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
