I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
