i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm jealous of your bromance
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
