what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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