I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
