it hurts more in the daytime
i wish my penis had a tongue
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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