Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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