one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
