Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
