My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
