Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
