so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
