What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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