if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
