So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
