we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
