so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
