I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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