What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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