my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
