I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
