That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
