At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
