She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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