maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
