Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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