he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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