we're chasing vodka with high fives
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
