i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
