I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
