Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
