My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
