don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
