Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
