There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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