yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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