I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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