maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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