I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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