Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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