Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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