i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Houston, we have a squirter
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
