He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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