using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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