it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
